Without a doubt the authorship of this book is the longest project I’ve undertaken. StoryWorth has close to 400 suggestions of questions and topics. Many of them are just not applicable to me. For example, there are a number of suggested questions relating to military service. While I served honorably in my ROTC class as a college freshman I didn’t think my readership would be interested in any extended discussion of that. There are a number of other questions that really just invite a simple answer rather than a story. I’m devoting this chapter to those inquiries which I believe are the most thought-provoking. While I intend my responses to be short and to the point, I think they are important towards providing folks with more insight into what makes me tick: 

What were your friends like in high school?
Nerds like me.

If you went back in time to start a new career, what would it be?
Circus clown. I enjoy making people chuckle.

What are your favorite movies?
Field of Dreams, Shawshank Redemption, Naughty or Nice, Rudy, Forrest Gump, The Joneses, Waking Ned Devine, and Silverado.

What have been are your favorite TV shows?
Seinfeld, Friends, Cheers, I Love Lucy, Mary Tyler Moore Show, Beverly Hillbillies, and Schitt’s Creek.

What are your favorite books?
The Chip Hilton sports series by Clair Bee.

What is your favorite poem?
Casey At The Bat.

What is your go-to karaoke song?
Hit the Road Jack/Love Shack Medley.

What are your favorite plays?
Sacrifice Bunts, Double Plays, and Hail Mary Passes.

What have been your favorite musical productions?
Hair, Godspell, Jesus Christ Superstar, and The Buddy Holly Story.

What is one of your favorite children’s stories?
Mrs. Duggan and the miscreant Jackie O’Day.

Who are your favorite artists?
Michelangelo, Rembrandt, and Norman Rockwell.

Do you have a go-to board game?
Scrabble.

What’s the first major news story you remember as a child?
The development of the polio vaccine by Jonas Salk.

Who was your favorite high school teacher, and why?
Mr. Mike Melnick. He was my only teacher who wasn’t a nun.

Do you remember your first Easter?
Hardly. I was only twelve hours old.

What would you save if your house was on fire?
My pills.

What do you worry about?
Dying alone.

What about being a child do you miss the most?
My youth.

What were you like when you were 50?
A year older than 49.

What have been some of your favorite restaurants?
Nick’s in Rockville, Arthur’s in Little Rock, La Ferme in Chevy Chase, Ruth Chris in D.C. and Bethesda, and Cesco Osteria in Bethesda.

Which sports teams were you a fan of in your childhood?
New York Yankees, Boston Celtics, and Cleveland Browns.

Have you ever been fired?
Yes, in May 1971.

What political issues do you consider most important?
Universal Healthcare, Stronger Gun Control Legislation, Equal Justice for All, and Saving the Environment.

Who are the funniest people in your family?
They’re all a bit weird.

Tell us about your first date?
No, not going there. I have to respect his privacy.

How did you learn to ride a bicycle?
One pedal at a time.

How do you prefer to travel?
Safely.

Did you have any nickname in your youth, and why that name?
Classmates called me Gus for a reason unknown. I’m certain it was derogatory, though.

If you could go back in time to any place and any era, where would you go?
Jerusalem, around 33 A.D., to see if it was all true.

What was your first sleepover like?
For some unknown reason I had my first wet dream.

Have you ever been in a prison?
Yes, in Jessup, MD. Went there to take deposition of an inmate. What I saw turned me against a life of crime.

How did you choose your children’s names?
We chose Christopher because we were hopeful that our first born would grow up to be a star like Chris Evans, Hemsworth, Pine, Pratt and Rock. We agreed to name our second born Patricia but when she turned out to be a he we had to change the spelling a bit. Justin was named after Timberlake or Bieber, I forget which, but his name was not something that we cared much about.

What Easter traditions are most important to you?
Cadbury Cream Eggs, Hollow Chocolate Bunny, and Jelly Beans.

How did you decide to change jobs?
When I noticed that the girls at Dembo Jones were 30-40 years younger than the women at Ash Bauersfeld.

Why did you decide to get a graduate degree?
It would allow me to stay out of Vietnam.

How did you vote in the last Presidential election?
By absentee ballot.

How did you get to school as a child?
Walked across the street. On rainy days got a ride.

If you could have dinner with anyone living or dead, who would it be?
Jesus Christ.

What was your favorite candy as a child?
Pez.

What were your favorite cartoons as a child?
Tom and Jerry, Bugs Bunny, and Porky Pig.

What were your favorite comic books?
Archie, Blondie, Little LuLu, Nancy, and Peanuts.

What makes you sad?
Seeing someone sad.

What famous people have you met in your life?
Joe Biden, Cardinal Dolan, Rick Pitino, Brock Peters,
Govenor Bob Casey, Pete Wysocki, and Bubba White.

What are some of your favorite sounds?
Sizzling Bacon and Puget.

What would you consider your motto?
Knock Em Dead.

Have you broken any habits over the years?
Smoking, but far, far too late.

Can you remember a time you were really upset?
Yes, quite vividly.

What is one of your go-to stories you tell time and again?
These three guys wanted a motel room for the night. Hotel clerk says that’ll be $30. Each guy gives $10 to the clerk. Later the clerk has a guilty conscience because the room rate is only $25. He gives the bellboy five $1 bills and tells him to refund the money to the three men. Bellboy realizes that the unsuspecting men won’t know what the refund should be, so he decides to give $1 to each of them and keep $2 for himself. With the $1 refund each of the 3 guys ended up paying $9 for the room, a total of $27. The conniving bellboy has $2 in his pocket, so that accounts for $29. But there was $30 initially paid for the room. Where in the hell is the other dollar?

What makes you happy?
Answering StoryWorth questions.